


Blushing Light

by catsilhouette



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, Working through feelings, dex being romantic, nursey being romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 15:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5631352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsilhouette/pseuds/catsilhouette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Romance is overrated, but that doesn't stop them from being romantic: five times Dex and Nursey are unsure about each other and one time they're not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blushing Light

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the confusion~
> 
>  
> 
> Title from LA Devotee

 

 

**i) i want to be cured of a craving for something i cannot find and of the shame of never finding it - eliot**

 

 

He'd read somewhere that it wasn't the world that picked out the people we were destined to spend forever with, that it was your own energies ebbing across the universe, seeking completion, that attracted other people, specific people that knew exactly how to complete you simply by existing in your world. And yes, sometime in his anticlimactic, ridiculously uneventful youth, he'd briefly abandoned the idea of 'soulmates by completion' because that was stupid, wasn't it? It was stupid and childish and unfair to yourself to live your life under the notion that you were incomplete until you fell in love, somehow invalidating everything you'd done previously because you weren't _whole,_ you weren't a real _person_ until this random person entered your life suddenly, one fine day - like, how dumb was that? Besides, soulmates weren't a _thing -_ if his relationships turned out to be anything like his parents', he would probably remain an incomplete person forever. Just a wandering half of a whole, a partial puzzle piece walking the earth, thinking he was worth something. And somewhere, deep down, he was okay with that. He'd rather read about it, watch the world through colored lenses until he found something he wasn't looking for. He filtered through books, highlighting lines he liked, putting sticky tabs in his books, marking verses and stanzas, thinking that this was the closest he could ever get to a soulmate - other people's idea of one - and he tried to write about that, tried to put his bitterness into words that sounded beautiful and haunting; instead, he was left with a million half-finished drafts of a million half-finished poems and a pounding headache. He decided to stick to what he knew - reading others’ work. It made him feel knowledgeable, like he was looking through a window into someone’s else’s life, recording their actions and critiquing them, but it left him wondering what the hell was going on in his own life and whether what he was doing was actually helping him or not.

 

 

**ii) there is nothing to escape from and nothing to escape to. one is always alone - eliot**

 

 

Afterwards, he was overly conscious of the taste of her lip gloss smeared on his mouth, sticky and sweet, and the slip-and-slide of her tongue, and he decided that maybe kissing wasn't really for him. But he tried again anyway, after a short conversation with himself where he resolved that perhaps it wasn't _kissing_ that he wasn't cut out for but girls, and he kissed a shy boy with floppy hair and huge eyes outside his room one night, with his large, steady hands gripping smaller, trembling fingers with a slight sense of optimism and security. It was awkward and uncomfortable and he went to bed alone with an overwhelming sense of loneliness that night because before it had been a _choice_ \- he didn't _want_ anyone and now it seemed that even if he did, he couldn't have anyone, because no one wanted _him._ He'd wrapped himself up in this idea to the extent that anything else seemed absolutely ridiculous, and he spent his afternoons reading or at hockey practice. The guys were okay, and he liked team dinners well enough, but it left something to be desired, something Nursey tried to patch up with being _cool_ and _different_ , but at the end of the day he'd trade everything about his carefully arranged wardrobe for the right person.

 

He went to parties now and again, usually held in small, crappy apartments where people’s weird townie friends lived, and he closed his eyes and kissed strangers behind closed doors, short-lived affairs that left his heart and dick aching. The first time someone passed a joint around, he accepted it gratefully, and spent the remainder of the party staring at the ceiling, finding elaborate patterns in the mouldy drywall, trying to repress some intense, bizarre desire to have his hand held. Eventually, he ended up falling asleep in a corner, head slumped onto his shoulder unceremoniously.

 

In the morning, he felt heavy. He felt like last night had fractionally filled in the hole, and every time after that, he jumped for an opportunity to go to a party and get high, even volunteering to buy sometimes. It made him feel nice, loose, made the world go fuzzy for a bit and made him feel that he wasn’t alone, not when there were people all around him, people that laughed and smiled and sometimes fell asleep on his shoulder. Kissing people wasn’t so bad either - it was slower and uncoordinated and he didn’t feel bad for being bad at it.

 

But he never felt anything, and eventually the high wore off. And he was alone once more, standing and staring at the wide expanse of life ahead of him, crushed by the weight of the knowledge that he’d face it alone, one half of a whole never meant to be completed.

 

 

**iii) life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other - oscar wilde**

 

 

Nursey usually kept his cool. Mostly. He told himself repeatedly that nothing bothered him and frankly, most things didn’t - like the word ‘moist’ or when chip bags didn’t open cleanly at the top and you had to rip a corner off or when the condensation on the outside of his iced coffee ended up on his new scarf and left a large wet spot - none of that _truly_ bothered him.

 

William J. Poindexter bothered the _hell_ out of him.

 

Nursey had read somewhere that life hands you exactly what you want - not necessarily _when_ you want it, or _how_ you want it, but the universe always fulfills your deepest desires in its own way. He supposed that’s where the “be careful what you wish for” expression arose, with the responsibility of desire and one’s choices.  And what he was hoping for was someone to complete him, as horrid and cheesy as that sounded. He had a feeling he’d always wanted this, even when he was younger and thought the idea was desperately uncool, and he was hoping for someone sweet who maybe rode a bike and had a brother or two, someone normal who didn’t get weird stares in public when they stepped out with their dad, someone who did the normal family things on Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving, someone who didn’t feel this crazy need inside to _complete_ themselves, to make themselves into a person they didn’t know. And somehow, weirdly enough, Dex fit all those prerequisites - Nursey hadn’t counted on the other things though, the short fuse, the overflowing irritation every time Nursey tried to pay for anything, the ridiculous freckling in places the sun had never seen, the scattered blush that spread with just one well-placed look - and Nursey wasn’t sure whether he should have specified the physical qualifications to the universe or if the sight of Dex taking his shirt off was hotter than he’d originally thought. Frankly, he didn’t know whether he could fathom the idea of the two of them together at all.

 

He knew Dex wasn’t straight. He didn’t know how he knew but he knew, and if anyone were to ask him, he would shrug and say he didn’t know but he _knew._ There was just something about him, something that made Nursey feel that Dex was so deeply closeted he might as well be in Narnia because Dex didn’t strike him as a particularly unkind individual, just someone who was maybe a little freaked out about the state of things. And that was okay. Nursey made his attraction evident, poking at Dex, lacing his chirps with romantic allusions and trying to get close to him. He liked Dex. A lot. Even if it was on and off, even if they were _forced_ to pair up together, even if he was weird and would rather find a fuckton of roaches in his attic than a _human being_. Dex was passionate and Nursey was into that because deep down, so was he, but he needed someone to bring that out in him, and that was something Dex had proven himself to be good at.

 

Dex said ‘no’ a lot. A _lot_.  At first Nursey thought he was just a very disagreeable person, but he quickly realized that Dex simply didn’t like change. He didn’t like deviations from the norm, he like clean, clear lines and he had a ten-year plan that didn’t include Nursey. But he was loyal, and he stood his ground, and like Nursey, who said ‘chill’ and hardly ever meant it ever, Dex said ‘no’ to a lot of things he didn’t realize he wanted. He still hung out with Nursey between classes, he still stuck close to him at Haus parties, and sometimes he fell asleep on Nursey’s shoulder during bus rides. It happened.

 

And part of Nursey considered the possibility that Dex was simply so close to him emotionally because they were close physically - after spending so much mandated time together, people tend to develop a liking for those in their immediate surroundings. But Nursey knew Dex wasn’t the type to pretend to be okay with something he wasn’t - that was Nursey’s job. Dex pretended _not_ to be okay with things that didn’t bother him at all - which is why he grumbled and complained every time he and Nursey roomed together but never once asked Lardo to switch him even though she probably would. Okay, no, she wouldn’t, she’d smack him with her clipboard and say ‘ _no_ ’, but the point is - well, the point is that he never even asked.

 

So yeah, Dex bothered him. In ways he was sure people _couldn’t_ bother him, and it led him to believe that there was something more, something rippling under the surface of all these covers they pulled - something that made Nursey wonder what it would be like to kiss Dex, something that made Dex maybe stare at the shift of muscle under Nursey’s tattoo for just a little longer as he changed, something genuine and heated and a tad more intense than being on the ice - and Nursey really didn’t know what to do about it.

 

 

**iv) i would rise with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame - yeats**

 

 

“Nursey?” Dex whispered, gently shaking him awake, poking his impossibly talented fingers into Nursey’s ribs. “Hey, don’t sleep. We need to talk.”

 

“Mmmhmmm,” Nursey mumbled sleepily, burying his head further in Dex’s silly hair, moving slightly away from the incessant jabbing at his ribs. “Mmmkay, okay, I’m going…” He sat up, pulling the blankets with him, and curled up against the wall. “Talk.”

 

Dex looked up at him, his hair wildly sticking out in a million directions, eyes wide and astonished at the novelty of this all - of sex, of having Nursey in his bed, Nursey’s arms wrapped around him protectively, waking up with Nursey’s mouth pressing small, delightful kisses against the back of his neck with a gentleness he would never have expected from the Nursey he knew, the clumsy, well-dressed idiot whose actions betrayed his words. Dex reached up for him and Nursey obliged, pulling him up until they were both curled up against the wall, Nursey on his right side and Dex on his left, facing each other.

 

“I don’t know what we’re doing,” he started hesitantly, curling his fingers in the sheet. He was still naked and felt oddly exposed now, wrapping the sheet around his chest as his skin turned the inevitable blotchy red.

 

Nursey yawned and patted Dex’s shoulder casually. “Sex. It’s called sex. It’s fun.”

 

“Quit being so blasé about this!” Dex snarled.  Nursey’s eyes were suddenly wide open, all traces of sleep gone - not alarmed so much as surprised, both at Dex’s sudden change in tone and the fact that he knew the word _blasé_ . “I’m trying to tell you that I...fuck, I know I...what I’m trying to say is that we h-hooked up...that we’ve _been_ hooking up...and - well, I don’t...I can’t have this sort of a relationship. I can’t do this whole unattached thing...it’s not...it’s not going to work.” He swallowed and glanced fearfully at Nursey, whose mouth seemed to be opening and closing as if he was a fish. There was a long moment in which Dex expected Nursey to run out, to dart out from under the blankets and grab his stupid trousers off the floor and just _leave_.

 

But he didn’t. He thunked his head against the wall and sighed and closed his eyes, as if he knew this was coming, as if he knew this would happen eventually, and when he opened them, Dex could swear they were brighter than they were before.

 

There was a long moment in which neither of them spoke, and Dex watched the shift of light on a patch of wall above him, probably from a moving car, he thought, trying to distract himself from Nursey’s gaze and the fact that his breathing had suddenly quickened.

 

“Is it something I did?” Nursey finally asked, quietly, staring at his hands instead of Dex. “I’ll leave right now if you want me to...but like...I mean, I know the fact that I’m a dude fucks things up a lot and I’m, like, I’m sorry I can’t _change_ that - “

 

“Fuck man, no,” and oh _god_ , now Dex was starting to feel the tears blur the edges of his vision and willed himself to keep calm. “You think - fuck - no oh my god _no_ I just - I can’t have this because every time I see you I want to kiss you, like, not just like, when we’re touching each other, I want to be able to - to - do things...with you,” he finished lamely, looking up and Nursey and begging him to understand through this weird connection they shared, the same one that let them communicate on the ice, the same long, drawn out process that had started with Nursey slowly taking off Dex’s shirt and ended here and now, with both of them curled up like scared, small children.

 

Nursey looked up at him, and Dex could see where one tear had fallen, the line it left reflecting slightly in the dim light. “You...you want to _date_ me?” And really, he had no right being surprised, none at all, because he gave Dex a lot of attention and yes, he chirped the living hell out of him, but Nursey had bought him too many coffees and kept him company through too many all-nighters for him to be legitimately _surprised_ at this. They were both repressed as fuck and Dex was finally starting to see how it was a problem.

 

Dex shut his mouth and nodded furiously, his hands tangling further in the sheet, knotting it between his fingers. It was easy to hook up now and again,  to text Nursey at short notice, to stand between Nursey’s legs and raise his arms as his shirt was pulled off, to lie back and let Nursey work his magic, kissing his neck and shoulder and letting him work his way down, down, down, to hesitantly wrap his fingers around Nursey’s hair and leave his hand there - yeah, that was really easy. But sitting here, watching Nursey’s eyes flicker between Dex’s and his mouth, seeing the naked hesitation in his eyes, and watching their shared vulnerabilities spread across them, this was...well. That was difficult. It made Dex feel like he was under a microscope, pinned down and spread apart. And not in a potentially sexy way. He took a deep shuddering breath.

 

“Yes.”

 

Nursey normally didn’t really ever _smile_. He usually looked like a model from an L.L Bean catalogue, perfectly put together, smelling like sex and trees, clean and dirty at the same time, smiling carefully and cautiously.  Not fully, not like the giant, ear-splitting smile plastered on his face just now. His eyes were smaller than normal, formed into shining green crescents by the spread of his grin, and it was a sight so touching that Dex leaned forward and kissed Nursey, licking away the tear, deepening the kiss like it was the last time he could do this and not the first, and when Nursey pulled him closer, he spread his legs and ended up in Nursey’s lap.

 

He pulled away suddenly. “Nursey, we can’t tell anyone,” he gasped. “I know I said that stuff but we can’t...I can’t tell anyone...the team...this has to be a secret.”

 

“For you,” Nursey murmured, biting and kissing at Dex’s jaw gently, “I would jump through fire,”

 

Dex moaned at that, because this was _Nursey_ and he was a romantic sap but he was also devoted as fuck and he honestly probably would, he’d gotten checked before for Dex, so it wasn’t all that hard to believe.

 

Nursey pushed Dex down and reached for his hand, entangling their fingers together, and Dex squeezed Nursey’s fingers in excitement and anticipation and something else, some awkwardly overwhelming feeling bubbling deep inside him that he didn’t want to name but he had a feeling he might anyway, especially once Nursey had finished, once Dex was resting back against the pillows with happiness coursing through his veins and when - if - he dared, well, now he knew what  Nursey’s response would be. And he was _so_ okay with that.

 

 

**v) i love you the more in that i believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else - keats**

 

 

Shocked by the question and exhilarated by the astonishing success of that heavily improvised play, Nursey found himself completely speechless, and he held on to the side of the boards while he tried to breathe. “I’m...sorry?” He’d briefly mumbled something about the seniors, but he’d been caught off-guard with this last question.

 

They’d just won: 4-3 against Yale, and he and Dex had managed the last goal in overtime by some inexplicable force of the universe. Nursey was still reeling, all the celebrations a colorful red-and-white blur around him.

 

The girl hopped from one foot to the other impatiently, holding out her phone, trying to record his brief interview. “What’s it like being so in-sync with the other defensemen?” she repeated, eyes fixed straight on him. He knew her. She was in his English class, and he didn’t know what she was here for but he honestly couldn’t formulate a coherent response. In the distance he could hear Holster and Ransom and their excessively loud celebration - when he looked over, he saw Dex’s squished face peering out from underneath Holster’s arm. He caught Nursey’s eye and mouthed “help” with a genuinely panicked expression.

 

Nursey turned back to the girl. “It’s illuminating,” he said with a wide grin, and skated away from her confused gaze to rescue Dex. The minute Holster caught sight of Nursey, he dropped Dex and pinched Nursey’s cheeks.

 

“THIS BEAUT!” he hollered, at louder-than-normal-Holster levels. “I COULD KISS HIM RIGHT NOW!!”

 

Ransom turned to Holster with a shocked expression on his face. “You - “

 

“I WON’T!” Holster continued, “BUT I COULD!”  and wow okay he was really about to go deaf at any time, squeezed in right between Holster and Ransom, jealously staring after Dex, who was freely skating away, high-fiving Bitty and C.

 

He finally managed to escape and he skated away as fast as he could - he was backwards, which probably wasn’t the best idea, but he couldn’t really bring himself to turn his back on the sight of Ransom and Holster celebrating, looping arms around each other easily, and Nursey drank in the sight  with a newfound appreciation for them because _they had it_ . They were annoying and _so_ loud and always talking to everyone because somehow they knew literally _everyone_ \- well, that was Ransom mostly, but they were basically attached at the hip but they’d lived together and they were _sleeping with each other_ and they were absolutely flawless on the ice so maybe, even if what he and Dex had was a dirty little secret, maybe they could still be like that, maybe they could still play that way - hell, they did tonight - and maybe, just _maybe_ -

 

Nursey toppled backwards with a crash, landing straight on his ass. This always happened, every _single_ time he tried to do something cool, he ended up making a spectacle of himself, and vaguely he registered Bitty’s “Oh goodness! Are you okay?” and C trying to help him up despite the fact that his gear was intact and cumbersome; somehow Nursey managed to get up to his feet and waved off the general concerns with a weak laugh.

 

Jack came up suddenly behind him and thumped him on the shoulder. “You should go to the trainer, Nurse,” he said shortly, and then skated away to the giant, spinning hug that Shitty had initiated.  Nursey stared after him. The dude never failed to shock him - he’d never really spoken to Jack before, and to be honest, Nursey didn’t even know if Jack knew he existed, but whatever. Priorities.

 

“He’s right, Nursey, you probably should,” Chowder said, worried face peering out from under his crazed helmet hair. “I could come with you!”

 

Bitty nodded in agreement. “Come on, we’ll go together,” he grabbed Nursey’s bicep and steered him towards the edge of the rink. Out of the tail of his eye, Nursey saw a horrifically clashing orange-and-red blur come towards him with great speed.

 

“Is he okay? Are you - Nursey, you good?” Dex straightened at the last minute but Nursey could tell he had been coming in for a hug.

 

“We’re taking him to the trainer,” Bitty supplied, one hand still tight around Nursey’s arm. “She’ll probably have some ice or something.”

 

“Dex, you should come with us!” Chowder said cheerily, moving to sling one giant, still-padded arm around Dex’s shoulders. “The trainer’s really nice,”

 

Amused, Nursey turned to Chowder. “C, we all see her all the time. And seriously, it’s totally fine, you can head back, I’ll go on my own. Or - wait - on second thoughts, leave Poindexter here with me. You can go, seriously.”

 

Bitty gave him a strange look as he retreated, but held back nonetheless. “Okay. Come on, Chowder. I need you to protect me if they try to fit me in a duffel again.” Chowder’s face lit up. “Do you think Jack would try to fit me in a duffel?”  Dex and Nursey glanced at each other and dissolved into laughter. “Maybe. Yeah, possibly. You should try, man.”

 

Dex threw his arm across Nursey’s shoulders and pulled him close. “You’re a moron,” he said affectionately, and Nursey leaned into his side a bit more. “You’re gonna have to sit on an ice pack like a loser for a while.”

 

Nursey sighed. “Yeah. Whatever. It’s chill.” He snickered. “Chill. Get it?”

 

“Oh god, please stop talking.” Dex pulled open the door to the trainer’s and moved to let Nursey go in first.

 

He sat down on the cracking plastic of the bench, wincing at the impact. Dex had just sat down next to him, but when he noticed Nursey’s twisted expression of pain, he got up, rooting through the various cupboards and boxes for an ice pack. He finally found one, brandishing it above his head with a whispered “A-ha!” and brought it to Nursey triumphantly.

 

They sat there for a while, bench creaking under their combined weight, thighs touching. The vague, raucous noises of celebration could still be heard through the thin walls. Nursey didn’t move when he felt Dex’s hand on top of his, but he turned it so that his palm faced up, and gratefully held on. The greatest thing about Dex was that he had Nursey’s back, and he was loyal to a fault, and all the emotions Nursey was having tonight about Dex finally converged.  He didn’t know whether it was the leftover adrenaline from the game or his bruised tailbone, or the feel of Dex’s warm, steady hand against his, but he could feel the words bubbling up from deep inside him and he knew he couldn’t stop it and even if he _could_ there was no way he wanted to.

 

“I love you,”

 

“That’s dramatic, Nurse. You say that to everyone who gets you an ice pack?” Dex huffed, but Nursey could see him blushing in the dim light.

 

“I mean it,” he continued softly, nuzzling at Dex and kissing his cheek. “I really do.” He was close enough to see Dex’s numerous freckles disappear under the spreading blush, and he fluttered his eyelashes against Dex’s face, intensely pleased by the way his hand tightened around Nursey’s.

 

Dex reddened even more, and he wrapped an arm around Nursey’s shoulders. “I loveyoutoo you clumsy fucker,” he mumbled, then immediately turned to bury his face in Nursey’s sweaty jersey. Nursey hugged him close, kissing the top of his head.

 

“Chill, man,” he said easily, because now it was done, it was over and Dex had said it right back, faster than Nursey was expecting him to, and now he _knew_ that they really, honestly _could_ have this all, because Dex had his back and Dex _loved_ him and nothing in the world would ever make him let go of Dex right now because this was exactly what Nursey had always wanted - it was absolutely _everything_ plus more, and he moved to kiss Dex again, happier than he’d been in a long time.

 

It certainly was illuminating.

 

 

  
**i) let us go then, you and I - eliot**

 

It was snowing. The forecast said it wouldn’t, that it was warmer than usual for this time of year, the warmest in ten years, even. And Dex had been disappointed, because it meant it felt like the rest of the year, warm and slightly sticky from boredom. Despite the front he put on for the guys, the holidays were actually a very enjoyable part of the year for him, filled with the warm memories of his childhood, and as he grew up, he wanted to hold on to that as much as possible, to add new things in each year that would hopefully become permanent, a part of who he was and the person he’d be after Samwell.

 

Derek Nurse was the only thing on that list.

 

He wasn’t disappointed by a long shot. Nursey had done so much for him, accepted him in ways even Dex didn’t accept himself for the longest time, and he felt a great sense of gratitude to have someone so genuinely caring in his life - even if this someone managed to somehow break the showerhead and nearly get himself concussed while showering and had to wait, wet, naked, and shivering, as Dex managed to take his eyes off Nursey’s chest long enough to fix it back into the wall.

 

They were coming close to the end of their time at school, and Dex had alternated between not talking or thinking about graduation at all to wrestling with the insane desire to grab Nursey and just _command_ that they move in together.

 

Not that it would be all that different from their current situation - Nursey and Dex had been sharing the attic and the bunk bed since they’d gotten dibs from Holster and Ransom, and had christened it with round after round of bed-squeaking sex that had left them both panting and trembling. The pattern continued: they never stopped bickering - it would be a cold day in hell before they quit annoying each other - but there was an easiness to it now, a simplicity that was absent during their earlier, sparking days, a slow burn that allowed them to sleep next to each other without feeling the need to get each other off, something beyond just sex. They had really and truly become best friends now - not like Ransom and Holster, who were their own species ( _Broius coolius,_ Ransom would interject), something different, something that allowed Dex to say “Fuck you,” to Nursey between hot, rushed kisses, and for Nursey to say “Anytime you’d like,” and actually _mean_ it, and for them to do just that on the creaking, squeaking bottom bunk completely unapologetically.

 

So really, it wouldn’t be completely absurd to suggest they move in together, a small apartment somewhere that had a sunny window where Dex could set up a desk for Nursey to write, where the shower was big enough for both of them, where they could actually start being their own people outside of just #24 and #28.

 

Not that it hadn’t been explosively fun. Playing hockey with Nursey was a fucking religious experience. It was like they were on some higher level, communicating at a speed that mere mortals couldn’t understand. They’d switched jerseys that one time - confused the _hell_ out of the other team, and managed to score twice - twice! - before anyone caught on to what was happening. And even then, it didn’t matter - Chowder had been _on his game_ and managed a shutout and victory was theirs. Holster, Ransom, Shitty,  and Jack had all commented on their _growth_ and _improvement_ in the group chat that was still active, Bitty just about burst into tears, and Dex had felt so proud of himself and Nursey for coming so far and for still having the intense approval of all the people he’d looked up to since he was a frog.  Well, they said he’ll always be a frog to them, but Dex felt better - _knew_ better now, and it was really mostly thanks to Nursey.

 

He had a date planned tonight. He and Nursey didn’t usually do the whole dating deal - just because there was no point in wasting three dollars on a hot chocolate outside when they could sit in the kitchen and raid the fridge for whatever Bitty had most recently made, or go out for a movie when they could sit on the bottom bunk and watch one snuggled up against each other, or go out to eat when there was a team dinner. It just didn’t make any sense. Nursey was romantic and did do stupid shit like wait outside Dex’s class sometimes to walk him back, or let him have the last bite of whatever it was they were sharing, or take his jacket off even though Dex _wasn’t cold_. They were sweet gestures, and Dex decided it was time to finally reciprocate properly.

 

“Bundle up,” he instructed Nursey. “Not because it’s cold, but because you might fall on your ass again and if we have to wait a week to fuck I might just die.” There was no heat in his words, and if Nursey looked up from where he was fiddling with his zipper, he would’ve seen an impossibly wide grin on Dex’s face.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Nursey drawled. “Whatever you say. Where are we going again? Lobster convention?”

 

Dex burst out laughing. “Oh my god, man, I’m sorry. _Lobster convention_. That was weak, bro. I’m sorry being fucked seven days a week is doing that to your chirping game.” That was another thing. For all his hesitation to acknowledge his sexuality before, Dex couldn’t stop talking about it now. Within limits, of course.

 

“I’m just saying - there’s only so many places you’d go and besides something hockey-related, which I would have heard of, it’s between a a seminar on how to fix cars without tools, and a lobster convention. Also - why are you bringing a backpack?”

 

“You wish you could fix a car without tools.” Dex avoided the question.

 

Nursey snorted. “Yeah, no. I’d rather watch you do it.”

 

Dex blushed. Nursey had a Thing, and embarrassingly enough, Dex didn’t realize it until after he’d changed the same light bulb twice, fixed a pipe that really didn’t need fixing, and stripped his shirt off because the AC in the Haus was shit and saw the way Nursey was looking at him.  It was positively _maddening_.

 

It had been hard and quick, and Dex had carpet burns for weeks afterward. He ended up fixing the AC after their first round, which prompted the second.

 

Nursey held the door open for Dex and took his hand the minute they stepped off the creaking porch. They walked in casual silence for a while, watching the shift of darkness and how the streetlight illuminated the shining streets. _Warmer than usual_ still meant _cold_ , and Dex could feel the tip of his nose get colder and colder as they made their way to the pond.

 

“Where are we going?” Nursey asked softly, as if he didn’t know, as if he hadn’t been here a hundred times before with the rest of their teammates. Dex waited a moment to reply, and heard the fallen leaves crunch under his shoes, the last vestiges of the changing seasons painfully evident.

 

He squeezed Nursey’s hand when they got there, the huge, white expanse glittering in the moonlight, looking as welcoming as ever, waiting for Dex to leave his mark. Nursey turned to him, confusion across his face.

 

“You brought me to the Pond?”

 

Dex turned to him, opened his mouth to reply. Nursey’s eyes were soft and huge, snowflakes resting prettily in his eyelashes, snow starting to clump in his hair. Reaching up, Dex fondly brushed it away, heart clutching in his chest when Nursey smiled at him. “I figured - ” he started, then stopped, because the pitch of his voice was downright _embarrassing_ , and he cleared his throat before trying again.

 

“I figured we should do it for fun once,” Dex said, and now that he heard the words out loud in the dark quiet, they sounded unforgivably lame, something from a shitty romcom with B-list celebrities and an unoriginal soundtrack.

 

But Nursey smiled, he reached for the backpack and pushed the gate open like it weighed nothing, like this was completely normal - and in a sense it _was_ , because they skated all the time but they’d never been completely, 100% away from the team in every capacity and now they were, doing something they both were incredibly comfortable with, and as he watched Nursey take the skates out of the backpack, Dex realized he could have done this a great deal sooner. The anxiety that had knotted up in his chest for the past twelve hours broke suddenly, and he took a deep breath, feeling all the tension drain away.

 

He finished lacing up his skates and made his way to the edge, where Nursey was waiting for him, hand held out. Dex accepted it, and they just went up and down a few times, holding hands like they did this all the time, like it was totally normal for bros to sneak out and just _skate_ up and down and up and down, doing some pansy drills in the middle of the night.

 

They were near the middle for the fourth or fifth time when Nursey finally spoke, and Dex was glad to hear something besides the _fwsh fwsh fwsh_ of their skates against the ice.

 

“We should, like, figure things out,” and Dex’s heart just about _stopped_ and fell out onto the ice, exposed to the world.

 

“I wanna know what you’re doing, man. After graduation. I know you’ve been talking but you haven’t really _said_ anything and like - well, I mean, I don’t really have a _plan_ but I can write from anywhere, really, and I don’t...I mean, I thought it would be cool if we could still live together. Be together.” His tone was hopeful, vacant, imploring.

 

Dex nodded.. “I thought we could….like, get a place together,” he started, holding on to Nursey’s fingers just a little bit tighter. “I don’t know what I’m doing besides that, but like… I think it’s a good idea,”

 

“Yeah. Of course it is, bro. Yeah,” Nursey said easily, raising Dex’s arm above their heads and moving him in a twirl. “We can start looking soon. Someplace big and nice, with a showerhead that doesn’t fall on its own.”

 

Dex felt giddy. “It didn’t fall on its own, Nursey, don’t blame the showerhead, man.”

 

“Dude you know the Haus is like a million years old, right, like that shower is held together by some force of God or something.”

 

“Is that what you think about in there? No wonder you take so long.”

 

“Half the time you’re in there with me!”

 

Dex turned to see Nursey smiling at him, completely and totally chill with the snow, with skating on thin ice in the middle of the night, with living together after graduation, and there was something so endearing about the way he misinterpreted Dex’s stare and murmured “chill, yo,” something sweet about his warm beanie - the replacement beanie, because Dex had stolen the other one - and how it let one ear poke out, and Dex was overcome with a sudden urge to just hug him and hold him close until Nursey was just as happy as he made Dex.

 

“Bet I can beat you to the end.”

 

“No way. Oh, you’re _so_ on.”


End file.
